Sometimes I strongly feel that it's so worthless to be loved by teachers or parents.
In fact, the reason I have lived my life so hard was to be acknowledged by peers or who are in the same generation, not elder ones. Because I knew it very well that I worked hard because I am so not attractive enough to be friend with, the results make me so sad right now. Anyway, the reality is that I had to be part of many yong people, not people much older than me eventually. Since it happened throughout all my school years from kidergarten to highschool, I have thought that maybe it's all my fault. But I couldn't think of anyone I really hated or did something mean. Then, why am I the one who peers, including my sibilings, hate or underestimate me? I worked so hard to be acknowledged by them, but they never see that. Rather, they see me as an "ugly duck" among pretty swans. I do not get it. How come the older generation see it, but my generation do not look at me in a way I really am. I sometimes imagine that I may end up with the situation worse than right now if I did not study hard and well as everyone expected. It's so horrible. Am I really that worthless to make friend with except the "study" part? So sad.. So sad.. Maybe what makes me so sad is that I know it very well, and I cannot think of any answers for that.
Sometimes I strongly feel that it's so worthless to be loved by teachers or parents.
In fact, the reason I have lived my life so hard was to be acknowledged by peers or who are in the same generation, not elder ones. Because I knew it very well that I worked hard because I am so not attractive enough to be friend with, the results make me so sad right now. Anyway, the reality is that I had to be part of many yong people, not people much older than me eventually. Since it happened throughout all my school years from kidergarten to highschool, I have thought that maybe it's all my fault. But I couldn't think of anyone I really hated or did something mean. Then, why am I the one who peers, including my sibilings, hate or underestimate me? I worked so hard to be acknowledged by them, but they never see that. Rather, they see me as an "ugly duck" among pretty swans. I do not get it. How come the older generation see it, but my generation do not look at me in a way I really am. I sometimes imagine that I may end up with the situation worse than right now if I did not study hard and well as everyone expected. It's so horrible. Am I really that worthless to make friend with except the "study" part? So sad.. So sad.. Maybe what makes me so sad is that I know it very well, and I cannot think of any answers for that.