I have lost my spirit.

It was the one I had kept for my own good by making me challenge myself.

I have stopped pushing myself after several failures.

I know I shouldn't have stopped, but what was the point of it?

Nothing.

Were any of challenges I was willing to take during my highschool years helpful in any way? No.

Did anybody recognize my efforts? Not at all.

I kinda figured out that people less dedicated to their work living just fine as well as me. Or much better. That's really really bothering me ;(

Different confidence

Different mindset

But,

it doesn't really matter.

Does it make any difference?

Can I ever say it ruined my life at all?